Assertions on women, guilt and being a mom

I am a woman (or a silly girl in a 30-something woman's body), so I feel I am allowed to make a few assertions about my own gender.

We often lash out when feeling cornered and guilty about some of our choices, and especially when we feel those choices are questioned. And, for those of us women that are also moms we often feel as if we’re never making the right choice for our children. And, of course, that makes us feel guilty and - for some of us - it makes us irrationally lash out, intentional or not.

There was a post yesterday on the Silicon Valley Moms Blog titled “A Dear SAHM Mom Letter”. The post is a note addressed to a few specific SAHMs (Stay at Home Moms) that had either unknowingly or passive aggressively insulted the blogger, who works a full time job. The letter ignited a firestorm of comments from SAHMs and FTWMs (Full Time Working Moms) alike. I assert that many of these passionate feelings of agreement or dissent stem from guilt in one shape or another.

And now I speak only for me: I assert that these types of comments or feelings are coming from a place of guilt because I feel guilty every day about some parenting choice that I have made. And, inevitably, I play the “grass is always greener” game in my head and then talk myself back into "being right" about my own personal decision to work, always ending up right back in my own green yard (yet still feeling guilty nonetheless).

But after reading the post and all the comments what I really realize is that there is no right or wrong. For anyone. Including me. Just our choices trying to match up to the expectations we have for ourselves as parents.

Finally, I assert that our expectations for ourselves are crazy. How can we possibly put expectations on others if we aren't even reasonable with ourselves? If we all cut ourselves -- and the moms around us -- some slack, it might go a long way in uniting us instead of dividing us.