Assertions on women, guilt and being a mom

I am a woman (or a silly girl in a 30-something woman's body), so I feel I am allowed to make a few assertions about my own gender.

We often lash out when feeling cornered and guilty about some of our choices, and especially when we feel those choices are questioned. And, for those of us women that are also moms we often feel as if we’re never making the right choice for our children. And, of course, that makes us feel guilty and - for some of us - it makes us irrationally lash out, intentional or not.

There was a post yesterday on the Silicon Valley Moms Blog titled “A Dear SAHM Mom Letter”. The post is a note addressed to a few specific SAHMs (Stay at Home Moms) that had either unknowingly or passive aggressively insulted the blogger, who works a full time job. The letter ignited a firestorm of comments from SAHMs and FTWMs (Full Time Working Moms) alike. I assert that many of these passionate feelings of agreement or dissent stem from guilt in one shape or another.

And now I speak only for me: I assert that these types of comments or feelings are coming from a place of guilt because I feel guilty every day about some parenting choice that I have made. And, inevitably, I play the “grass is always greener” game in my head and then talk myself back into "being right" about my own personal decision to work, always ending up right back in my own green yard (yet still feeling guilty nonetheless).

But after reading the post and all the comments what I really realize is that there is no right or wrong. For anyone. Including me. Just our choices trying to match up to the expectations we have for ourselves as parents.

Finally, I assert that our expectations for ourselves are crazy. How can we possibly put expectations on others if we aren't even reasonable with ourselves? If we all cut ourselves -- and the moms around us -- some slack, it might go a long way in uniting us instead of dividing us.

Horton Review. We went to see it, will you?

First – NO SPOILERS HERE (even though you've probably read the book 543 times).

Took our kids to see the latest Dr. Seuss book, Horton Hears a Who, to make it onto the big screen and it was a great time. It’s worth a post for this proud mom because it’s the first time we’ve taken our son to the theater for a flick (he's just about three). I think he was most excited to eat Red Vines (a family tradition), rather than being excited for his first movie but oh well.

Horton was the third trip to the movies for my daughter (four and a half), although she's made it through only one other full length feature in a theater before. Our first try, we had to leave Ratatouille when the rat kept biting the chef about 30 minutes into the flick. My daughter insisted the rat was mean and that we should leave. So we left and went and shared an ice cream sundae instead. For the other movie she remained engaged throughout, see here. It might surprise you. But back to the topic at hand.

My son and daughter cackled their brains out for the first 15 minutes of the movie. For me, it was the truest parental bliss ever watching our two kids giggle and clutch at each other out of pure joy like a pair of best friends having the time of their lives.

As the storyline matured, my daughter became completely entranced, taking in every line, hanging on every joke and taking care to tell me when one of the characters was being mean. She did like to point out on a few occasions that in the book she reads at home Horton sits on an egg and that there is no egg in this movie.

Meanwhile, my son began to fidget around…asking when Dr. Seuss would appear and he became very disappointed when he discovered Dr. Seuss would not be appearing on the screen. (Bets placed now our guy is a performer and not a behind the scenes guy.) Fast forward ~30 minutes. This disappointment led to being thirsty, then to having to use the potty and then to playing video games out in the arcade instead of watching the movie. Maybe next time…

Take away: For the four year old in your life, this is definitely an RBM endorsed flick.

Identity Crisis

If you’ve been here before, you’ll notice that I’ve had a blogger identity crisis. I’ve redone the page, as you can see, to reflect my morphing online identity.

It all started when I stopped drinking Red Bull. HOLD. Don’t get the wrong idea. I am still a caffeine freak. Red Bull itself simply became too pricey.

I considered renaming the whole blog but nothing else felt right. I have become kinda attached to signing all my comments, posts, etc. “RBM” and it has become my personal online identity.

So I’m RBM. But I drink Rock Star, Full Throttle, or Max Velocity – whatever is on sale that week. I’ll have to be content with that… until I can get Red Bull to sponsor me that is. ;-)

Is there anyone out there?

While I don't expect that there are too many others out there in the Ketchum/Sun Valley community with my work/living situation, I wouldn't be surprised to find at least a few. Perhaps Sun Valley Online's little "Blogging 101" seminar next week will bring them into the blogosphere and we'll connect. While I'll be out of town on business during the informal get together I'll keep my eyes open online!

Corporate DNA

After basic intro high school biology I knew that you passed along your own DNA when you have a child. What nobody clued me into was that somehow corporate DNA can be passed along too.

Case in point:

I do not karaoke (okay, maybe once or twice in college with my Neil Diamond obsessed roommate). My husband does not karaoke.

On the flip side, nine out of ten of my colleagues love, I mean L-O-V-E, to karaoke. Anyone that has been to one of our company retreats knows that every year at least one or two people go hoarse from dominating the mic. We even own our own karaoke machine (and it's a beaut)that can be found in the Palo Alto lounge.

Now, check out my son's performance below. Someone explain to me how our corporate DNA got passed along to my child. Osmosis? Subliminal messaging? Someone spiked my Frappucinos?

The one boob wonder

My mom is the strongest, most amazing woman I know. She endured hours of surgery yesterday (masectomy, if you couldn't guess by the title) and still managed to call last night to let us know she was doing well and feeling good. She was even cracking jokes and asking for more pics of the grandkids so she could check them out online.

I hope I am even half as strong a woman as she is when I'm old enough to be known as "Grandma".

Two battles down, one more to go.

A special thanks also goes out to "Nurse Grandpa", who has been taking good care of our VIP patient.

Happy Trypto Day!

From one mother to another

Mother Nature is not cooperating this year and is messing with a favorite family tradition. For the past several years we’ve had a Ski’n’Turkey Thanksgiving where we (read: my husband, the chef) prep the Turkey and other staples like green bean casserole (my contribution) and then our family of four would head out for a few hours of skiing and/or sledding fun. Then, tuckered out from the outdoor activity we’d return to the wonderful smell of a nearly-done turkey and the anticipation of hanging with friends and family. Ahhh…I am getting nostalgic and giddy just thinking about it.

This year, though, there is no snow. They’re even delaying the opening of the mountain until SATURDAY. Boooo. I mean, this is where we’ve scored 99% of our holiday card pics since everyone is thoroughly and genuinely enjoying their first day out. We’ll still take our two future Olympians skiing on the kiddie slopes where we can use our own vim vigor to get them up the hill and the manmade snow is bountiful, and they will inevitably have a blast. But wouldn’t it be nice if it just dumped snow tonight through Thursday? C’mon, Mother Nature. Don’t you want to help this taurine-lovin’ mom out? :)


Below is a short vid of our youngest skiing at 22 months old (last January).

Happy Halloween!

Those that truly know me also know that Halloween is my favorite holiday of all.

If you're a local reader...maybe I'll see you tomorrow night. I'll be the one dressed as Helen Roper - my hubby will be Stanley Roper, of course. And, I'll be with the ladybug (or maybe Tinkerbell for round 2) and the mini SF Giants baseball player.

And, in case you're caught unprepared, I leave you with some last-minute costume ideas from Adam Sandler.

Update: How did we look??

Eye Spy...

As my daughter says... "I spy with my little eye" something very familiar in the trailer for The Heartbreak Kid (see #8).

Cancer Sucks

This week I am working from my hometown, hanging with my parents. Sounds “normal”, but usually I would be hanging here with my whole circus, I mean family, including my hubby and two kids.

This time I made the trip solo because my mom starts her chemo treatment on Wednesday and I wanted to be here for moral support, and to help around the house. (My dad is great and has been helpful and very supportive, but sometimes thinks that relish, napkins and other items simply dance their way from the fridge to the dinner table on their own.)

I have done lots and lots of reading on what chemo is, food you can eat to fuel your body and prepare for chemo, and about potential side effects. (My mom and I are going wig shopping on Wednesday too.) But all the reading in the world does not prepare me for how to watch the woman who has given me more strength than anyone in this world suffer. How do you do that?

Maybe I will have an answer after this week, but I bet I won’t.

I forgot how much I loved this movie

Aaaaack!

Down with the OOP, yea you know me

For any other Harry Potter fan out there you'll know that OOP stands for Order of the Phoenix (yes, I left out the "t").

The movie rocked. I had somewhat lower expectations for this installment of the series because this was one of my least favorite of the books. Why? I thought Harry was whiney and stupid for not ever shutting his mouth. In this novel he was the Geroge Bush of wizards since he knows what he should do/say to make things go well for him but just doesn't do it anyway and ends up in trouble (and being uber annoying). I also thought the Dumbledore dissing (DD) Harry part was lame in the book as well. Duh. Dumbledore adores Harry no matter what, so that was just lame meandering.

The movie cut a lot of that sassing out and downplayed the DD, or at least trivialized it compared to the other subplot points living in the movie. So, I enjoyed it more than I thought I would -- which is always a pleasant surprise when you see only about two movies a year in the theater.

What was bad? While I find it hard to criticize anything that brings such happiness, I did think they could have spent some more time on the turning point/more developed relationship with Sirius during the beginning/middle of the movie so the end and next installments might be that much more emotionally charged, but I guess that's not the end of the world.

I also took the opportunity to eat some candy (Red Vines, of course) and pound some caffeine in the theater (I did have to go back to my two toddlers, after all). Red Vines make any movie better, so that's an extra thumbs up for my movie-going experience.

Hoooray for Harry!

Phew, it's not just me (not that it helps)

This CNN story on "mommy guilt" struck a chord with me. The anchor/author, Judy Fortin, and her interviewees hit on some of the emotions I feel every day.

It's hard to be a stay-at-home mom -- it's a lot of work. I "temped" at it for 9 months cumulatively (with 2 kids) and it's more challenging than anyone that hasn't been there can ever imagine. Makes the lunch breaks and benefits offered by Wal-Mart look luxurious.

But, it's also hard to be a worker bee and mother too. If I didn't work where I do...I am not sure I would be sane (or am I anyway?). I feel lucky I work where I do because it gives me flexibility many other working moms don't have. I get to do the Mother's Day "Mommy and Me Tea Party" with my two year old. I get to watch both kids and the ensuing mayhem in their Hop-a-Thon, Bike-A-Thon, etc. when they roll around. And, I get to attend each Winter/Spring program where my son yells the words instead of singing them while fist pumping all over the place and my daughter would rather lift her dress over her head and then laugh maniacally.

However, it *seems* no matter what choice I make (Hop-a-Thon versus con call) I feel guilty about something. Am I shortchanging my kids by dropping them off to school in the morning and saying goodbye to them until 5? Am I letting my colleagues down by bolting early to go do the preschool pickup? And... to top all that off I then feel guilty that all the decisions are between kids and work and I don't take care of me and my health.

Or maybe I should just let go and realize I can't be the end all be all for everyone.

Naahh...that doesn't feel right either. ;)

Right on, lady

I have no idea who this is but found her post while looking for an image to use for my post tomorrow because I am going to see the new HP flick (FINALLY).



I vibe with this girl. Right on, right on....



This is as great as my coworker that found the recipe for butterbeer and made it to bring along with her to the movie. That also rocks. Or, what about my other coworker that has let me know that she will be requesting time off when the new Harry Potter theme park opens. Also sweeet.

IT = Information Technology or IT = Irrational Times

Since June I’ve had IT woes. Missed emails, latency issues and sporadic disconnects with our corporate email server. Oh the joys of working remote. 99% of the time I consider myself very lucky to live the life I have, but on days when email isn’t working for me I live in fear of missing an important client assignment or email invite and generally am floundering. It ain't easy being 800 miles from our office.

Thankfully, we have a very patient and thorough IT dude at work. After work one night he spent two (very boring and frustrating, I’m sure) hours on the phone with me in order to get my new wireless router up and running.

But wow. The new one kicks arse! I’ve had it up and running for a business week basically and so far its uber reliable and the reach is all the way down my block (lucky neighbors). Yay, NetGear!

Still waiting...

...for my guest blogger to submit his/her Transformers review (if said person was not intoxicated during the screening).

Giddyup already!

Other guest posts welcome from friendlies, send 'em my way via email (if you're a friendly, you'll have my email, eh). :)

Rumor confirmed... Bionic Woman Airs this Fall

As discussed in a post here in October, there's an updated Bionic Woman comin' to town! Check out the site here for video previews. I'm not sold based on the "trailers" but will give it a look-see.

In my prior post, I threw out a few names of who I thought might fit the bill. Well, I was wrong wrong wrong. The new badass is someone named Michelle Ryan.

She'll never be Lindsay Wagner!

Summer TV Sucks but...

...there are a few highlights for the RBM.

Grey's Anatomy reruns are still going (on ABC and Lifetime on Sundays). Considering I tried being an anti-bandwagoner and didn't start watching the series until the 2nd half of this season, this is good news for me. Yay for smutty brain candy.

Entourage has a good twist this season w the demise of Vince's fortune and the somewhat separate storyline for Ari. You just love to hate Ari. And, even though Drama has a sucessful series now, he still has heinous luck -- that has to be karma for his HM ways.

John from Cincinnati is a trip and I've told myself I don't care if I watch it again but I keep feeling compelled to watch again, and am even anxious for the next one. It's mysteriously intriguing. Even though the intrigue is not engaging, the very intense characters are. Also, I think I keep tuned in to figure out who, exactly, the main cast includes because it's got a solid ensemble -- and then they keep adding more (like the Doc in the last episode, who I feel will be around for a while).

Drive Thru - Caribbean. Those silly surfer boys are at it again. My fave is Benji. They're all real, but Benji seems the most "even" wrt being a normal person (normal is subjective of course). And, he freakin' cracks me up - I still have the image of him riding the ostrich from last season and it makes me chuckle every time. I liked Pat this trip more than I did in South Africa, he seems to be more comfortable this time around. And, you gotta get a kick out of Donovan every time. The dude is chronic chill.

Thank all that's holy for the Giants (even though they're NLW cellar dwellers right now).

Apparently I took an unintended quarter-long sabbatical. Perhaps it was because my double life kept pulling me in many directions. In the past several months I've been a nurse (a horrible one), a comms consultant on the road for 2+ weeks (hopefully a good one), a cheerleader (yay for using the potty!), and an IT person in training as my laptop took a crapper and we had to get an entirely new one (which many of you will know means loading many apps back on, transfering data from an external drive, etc.).

Does this all make me more like Cybil than the Red Bull Mom? (BTW, I've moved on to Rock Star now for budgetary reasons -- ssshh don't tell Red Bull or it will ruin my non-existent sponsorship with them).